Yes, you are the biggest ass hole I have ever known. I let myself let you lead me to believe you weren’t. I…I don’t even know how to comprehend what took place. Sick of people’s shit. Sick of Rochester. Sick of Henrietta. Sick of people’s lack of consistency. Sick of anxiety.

Is spending 3 grand on a car worth it, before I buy my camera? If I had my camera I could make the 3 grand easier. I don’t know. I’m thinking out loud. All I want is for someone to let me think out loud and understand where all of these thoughts are coming from. I wish I could wish I was home. And I wish you’d call me. But I wish you wouldn’t, I don’t want to get attached. I saw A.J at the mall. And that’s were I met him a year ago. And there’s an irony in that. I’m going to get into the shower and cleanse myself of the day’s sins. I’m going to wish for warmer water and fall apart.

It’s 5 am. You’re a stranger to me. I’m in your house. I cannot sleep. Everyone is in bed dreaming of better things. I had an epiphany. I sat on the roof top alone. I silently weeped to myself. I can change. I will get better. Things are gonna change. Life is better than I think it is. Life is better than you think it is.

hands off.
fumbling through my dilapidated sheets

i’m alone in this bed with you beside me
it’s so cold in this bed with you beside me.

i have only a blanket for cloak
and hide my stubborn eyelids
from your yellowed-orange frame
that once hung on my wall
now emptied.

it gripped the image of a barebacked gypsy
at the edge of iron rusted gates
about to enter an unbeknownst city

and i looked at it
the only way i know how
downright bitter

so i let you have it anyway

and it's monday

and i wish it wasn’t. i have mosquito bites on my arms and legs and feet and face. i am feeling the effects of this routine and waiting game. and the disappointment factor. why is it that we always think that we have to just settle? why do we think that we have to tolerate the worst? we never should have to tolerate anything. we shouldn’t ever need to rush. why can’t we just give ourselves the time of day? why can’t you give me the time of day?