no sign all day.

i’ll look.
just like you’ll look.
your ache enveloped
by my comparisons.

the similarities are gut wrenching.
for now on i’ll watch my tongue
be careful not to slip up.

all of that time, it should have been me.
you gave it all up and i feel the loss.
just like things make you think of her,
things make me think of her.

she smiles and the every arch
screams of flawlessness
and dishonesty.

i cannot believe it is june again.
the year has rolled around.
a year of half baked prose and half
assed necessaries.

making your dinner and
making your bed.
you have heard this all before.
the right words and the perfect touch.
i can’t change anything.

we are no different from each other.
and it makes me so sad.

230 days too late.

i want to save the worms, they are suffocating.
everything is drowning beneath me.
i hear pale tones and clatter.
blue and red.
bloodshot and watery.

these songs you taught my fingers to dance to.
adagio and opposition.
lacking in words.

listen again, ache at your honesty.
pause again, remember my bitterness.
“remember me in my opaqueness”

2 hours too early,
to try imagine what it would have been like.
gone too soon to appreciate the simple action.
another day,
i close my eyes and do it again

The last two day’s I’ve been thinking today is payday. And it would be if my direct deposit had come through. But it hasn’t. And all of today I’ve been thinking I work 4 to 8 when really today is Thursday and even when I realized it was Thursday, (not payday) I still thought I had to work. So up until an hour ago I thought I worked. And it’s such a great feeling to know I don’t have to work. And today I found out my sister lost her virginity to someone I hate. And he’s such a manipulative bastard. And she’s a screw up and makes poor decisions. And I am glad I’m only like her physically.

Do I know you?
Will I know you? Did I know you?
I stand around, check people out, clean up after children, and judge. I chuckle occasionally at people’s mumbles to be polite. They are always right. I see a person i know here or there, awkwardly waving. I make nice eye contact with a young gentlemen and finish with “have a great afternoon.” (Wouldn’t matter anyway.) I make lists in my head I don’t intend on fulfilling. I sing the same lines of the same songs over and over and over. I cross my fingers for something better to walk along. I only hope to stand out to someone. I anticipate “9:00PM.”

Feeling very odd. Not myself. I have no one to be myself around anymore. I just feel weird. I guess I’m getting used to it. I can’t ever find anything to wear. I can’t ever find anything to drink. I stress out about the little things. I’ve been listening to the same songs over and over again. And I wanna see that person and this person, but I can’t. I’m constantly debating with myself in my head and I have been interrupted twice while just staring and thinking. People don’t know what to think of me. And I guess I like it that way. I miss you and I miss you and you are so nice. Can we meet? And I’m really not a fan of you. And I need new.